Last updated November 17, 1995 with 142 reasons. New note (July 28, 2000):
there will be no new updates; I'd rather leave it in its' historical (November
'95) state.
They are hiding under the stairs
They are on holiday for the first time in 5 years
They are in the cellars conducting the rituals to keep the machines
running
They are in hospital suffering from an overdose of caffeine
Taken away by the police after killing the last user who asked a
stupid question
"You *have* a system administrator ?"
Walked past the table they were gibbering under
The SysAdmin has built a maze with the door to their office at the center
You *are* the system administrator
Missed seeing the system administrator asleep under their desk
The admin is chained to their desk in a dungeon only the CEO has the
key for.
Having to explain to the management why they need an asistant.
The admin is suffering so bad from sleep deprivation that they may as
well not be there for all the sense you can make of the words they are
saying.
You are afraid that the admin will use you as a punch bag so you are
searching for them, but desperately pray that you don't find them.
The admin came to work disguised as a tea boy to avoid talking to users
The admin electroculted themselves whilst installing some cabling
near the main power cable. Since the admin's body is the only thing
keeping the power flowing, the management boarded up the body and
pretended they still had a system administrator.
Stuck in a lift shaft pulling network cable to another floor
Getting Jolt out of their under-floor cache
Hiding on the roof
-- Simon Burr simes@tcp.co.uk
(S)he's looking up the BOFH excuse of the day.
(S)he's out buying some caffeine.
(S)he's busy installing xfishtank on the main fileserver.
-- Mark D. Roth roth@uiuc.edu
(S)he's out buying refills for the Nerf(TM) crossbow.
(S)he's locked in the computer room playing Deathmatch.
-- Dennis J. Preston Jr dpresto@lookout.ecte.uswc.uswest.com
Booted to DOS and is playing doom across the network.
Went to Stop&Go to get ANOTHER case of insert favorite caffinated
beverage here
Went to the room with padded walls that nobody dares open when the door's
closed.
Managed to find time to sleep for an hour or two.
Just found out he had a two month old child, and is getting re-aquainted
with his SO (and the new child)
is playing netrek.
Is in the hospital after being severly injured by a falling soda can
mountain.
-- William S. Duncanson caesar@earth.ops.neosoft.com
Is closeted with boss trying to explain why (s)he uploaded a user to
seven.rings.of.hell.com
(s)he's at the hopital having his/her fingers splinted after typing 100
times NO you cannot use your old address after our domain name changes.
Please go read the announcements that we have been posting for the last
three months.
-- Marge Robbins mrobbins@netins.net
(S)he's catching twenty winks under the floorboards, tread gingerly.
(S)he's watching the building electrician trip a circuit breaker that
will reduce the company 'frame to rainbow colored slag,
(S)he's out by the turnpike waiting for a case of Jolt to bounce out
of the truck after it hits the speed bump.
Is out back beating a luser into corn mash who asked "When will the
system be back up" one time too many.
Finished a double shift and is out back wondering what that big
burning ball in the sky is.
Is busy packing up to go to a site that has contemporary hardware
Is engaged in a staring contest with a pack of evil dogs
Is on the phone trying to talk his wife out of buying a house without
ISDN
-- The Unknown SysAdmin The8thMan@aol.com
(S)he's sitting under the desk, hysterical at what the (l)user just
asked.
(S)he's at the pub, it's all *too* much.
- Andrea Gibney a.gibney@mailbox.uq.oz.au
(S)he's standing behind you, holding an axe.
(S)he resigned in disgust five minutes ago.
(S)he's in a meeting with the boss to discuss poor user response times.
-- Ade Rixon ajr@rheidol.elsevier.co.uk
Just look up at the ceiling (Think 'Aliens')
-- Grant Denkinson Grant.Denkinson@nottingham.ac.uk
(s)he can't be reached via phone or e-mail becuase (s)he is too busy on
usenet telling everybody how busy (s)he is or thinking up 101 reasons why
(s)he can't be found.
-- D. Allen Bassham abassham@svm.com
(s)he is hiding under a table so that (s)he will not be the one
sitting for hours watching Ultrix reinstall from a single-speed CDROM
because the users who inexplicably have root access have destroyed the
filesystem *again* during a misguided attempt to "improve" /etc/rc by
repartitioning the disk at boot time "so that it doesn't forget".
-- Matt Bandy m-bandy@uiuc.edu
(S)he's in the bathroom... masterbating
-- dbryant@netcom.com
We have a 'secure room' here - bloody great lock on it. I hide in
there :)
-- Rob Wheeler rob@pypers.demon.co.uk
The Grey Wall(tm) has fallen on them and no one has noticed their
absence. [clunk,clunk,help!,anyone?]
They've gone to find some more coffee. Sysadmin has left the building!
-- Matt Haswell ccdmlh@zippy.dct.ac.uk
they've snapped, started muttering about "this damned post office",
and left for the nearest gun store
they're out on an interview
they're seeing a therapist who doesn't have any computers in their
office, a non-threatening place.
they've gone to a computer museum to beg for parts for the PDP-10s
running the place (ala Compuserve).
they're out looking for an ad in any media where DEC mentions OpenVMS
they're planning where to be on 01/01/2000, when all of the MVS systems,
and some older minis in mission-critical applications like process
control turn to crap. They may be shopping for a bomb shelter if SAC's
launch control systems only have a two-digit year.
they're at a travel agent's, booking a vacation to friendlier place,
like Iraq.
they're out fomenting rumors that the Windows 95 cd-roms have the
Church of Scientology's copyrighted teachings hidden on the disk.
They're meeting with Guido, to put out a contract on the parties that
started the open systems myth.
They've gone to Oklahoma City, to enroll in the FAA's Air Traffic
Controller training program, to start a less-stressful career.
They're seeing a commodities broker, to arrange direct deposit of
their paychecks into buying coffee bean futures.
-- Gerald (Jerry) R. Leslie jleslie@dmccorp.com
/pub/lunch
-- Gary "Wolf" Barnes gkb@aber.ac.uk
look better. He/She is probably in the basement somewhere behind the
modem racks.
_finally_ took a day off.
It's 9 AM. He/she is not working that late.
Vendor demonstration
Convinience store across the street opened
Pizza delivery is at the front door
Sleeping under the floor tiles
On some floor, in some wiring closet, trying to fix things
In the dumpster behind the building trying to get rid of some frustration
by using a sledgehammer on the Macs.
-- Koos van den Hout koos@kzdoos.xs4all.nl
Because the trauma induced by repeated attempts to install Solaris 2.5
pre-beta on an Intel system has forced him to seek psychotherapy.
Still trying to come down from inhaling too much tape head cleaner.
-- Nick Cuccia cuccia@talamasca.com
out chasing the rodents off of the twisted pair/power lines
gone home to sleep (1st time in x days)
been convicted of computer crimes (vague reference to randal schwartz)
what was you're username?
-- Tim Bandy bandy@cs.umn.edu
Emptying the bit buckets.
-- Michael Shields shields@tembel.org
They finally caught him/her for that -big site-masacre (s)he thought
(s)he'd gotten away with.
-- Carlo Cozzi cozzi@otb.tudelft.nl
ObReason n+x: Your system administrator is walking in circles outside
saying "TUESDAY? They want it by TUESDAY? TUESDAY?"
-- Stephan Zielinski szielins@us.oracle.com
rcp $FAV_RESTAURANT:$FAV_FOOD /dev/stomach
gurgle gurgle...
-- Shannon Robert Madsen madsen@cs.umn.edu
Hiding in wiring closet.
Outside having a smoke because it's illegal in the building.
On the roof of the building, contemplating jumping.
On the roof of the building, contemplating which users to throw off.
On the roof of the building, contemplating traffic.
On the roof of the building, contemplating.
-- Johan van Zanten johan@habanero.evtech.com
In his/her manager's office, trying to explain why the manager gets
lots of calls from lusers who can't find the sysAdmin.
(for us part-timers only) In his/her manager's office, trying to explain
why the "real" (programming) work doesn't get done. Manager doesn't
understand -- when he gave you this job, he said it would only take a
couple of hours a week....
Is in luser's office, trying to explain why "export VAR=xxx" from one
xterm window doesn't have any effect on the other windows. "But they're
all on the same Xstation -- what's the problem?"
-- Michael Hartwig hartwig@lfs.loral.com
Sysadmin's down in the administrative offices fixing one of their DOS
boxes.
-- Al Castanoli afcasta@texas.net
He's out getting a caffine fix.
-- John Wanger jwagner@mental.mitre.org
There's more caffeine than blood in his veins, and he was last seen
hopping down the hall pretending he was a pogo stick.
-- J.D. Falk jdfalk@cybernothing.org
Well the sysadmin is too busy
1) playing with the web
2) reading news
3) sleeping
4) reading other peoples email (not that I do this...)
5) installing the latest Xgame on the main fileserver... (this is real
cool)
-- Michael Miller mmiller@mars.cs.unp.ac.za
S/He is playing DOOM, to release pent-up tension created by lusers.
S/He is down to the 7-11 down the street, to buy extra strong coffee
and caffeine tabs.
S/He is currently full asleep over Her/his keyboard.
-- Ingvar Mattsson ingvar@cat.rydnet.lysator.liu.se
has slashed her/his wrists on the Answerbook(tm) or Univers CD.
recovering from the paper cuts after printing out large chunks of
aforementioned CDs
has gone to visit a luser in a department with a snazzy new SS20,
but no clue [as what to do with it]
has gone to visit (the same luser) to explain in words of one
syllable why NetBEUI is a BAD THING to run over the campus network
is pulling a blue snake out of a IBM 3850 (?) DASD in the machine
room to give to the CS museum.
in a meeting
trying to *avoid* being in a meeting
is talking to his manager
has worked so much overtime he is now owed 6 months contiguous, paid
leave.
--Russell Street russells@ccu1.auckland.ac.nz
Busy threatening a user that was complaining about the machine being
down for the back-up.
Hiding in another office where he can work without getting interrupted.
Wandering around the halls looking for his/her lost sanity.
Out at Starbuck's for the X time today getting a grande cafe mocha
with an espresso chaser.
Showing the boss, for the X time, how to turn the laptop upsidedown
and shake it to get it to reboot (ala Dilbert and the Etch-A-Sketch
cartoon). :-)
Busy sitting in the middle of a pentagram with black candles putting
a curse on the air-head executive that started circulating the warnings
about the "e-mail virus".
Busy installing a new clutch to better shift paradigms with. (ala
Dilbert)
--Michael Faurot mfaurot@phzzzt.atww.org
(S)he's off running round the building trying to find who has addopted
the servers IP address.
(S)he's off round the building trying to find who has tured off which
router, or have they just unplugged our link to the outside world.
--Ian (God they both happened in one week) Dobbie ian@muscle.kcl.ac.uk
they're busy rerouting their support telephone to the luser of the day
they're busy updating their BOFH excuse server
they're busy testing new ideas for the BOFH Of The Year Award.
--Sean B Purdy sean@fastnet.co.uk
Performing minor surgery on an ailing DAT drive using only a cow
orker's dissection kit (this is a Pharmacy department) after the verdammt
cleaning tape decided to remove half the drive's mechanism when it
ejected. (This actually *worked*. Boy, was I surprised.)
--Chris Richardson foop@sg2.pcy.kcl.ac.uk
has been replaced by a comupter.
--Lars Syrstad ljs@voldsboks.pvv.unit.no
Busy fending off the person who isn't your boss but yet (s)he feels
(s)he is and this person rants the loudest so he/she ends up getting what
he/she wants done.
--Jeff Ballard ballard@cae.wisc.edu
Changing the batteries in the UPS
--Rebekah Oberin oberin@latcs1.lat.oz.au
Have you checked under the desk/crawlspace?
--Aaron Sommer aaron_sommer@herringn.com
they have found the exit.
(it's like a maze, with little lusers all alike)
they have been fired; no longer needed with windoze 95.
--Mike Wessling mikew@xs4all.nl
(S)he's dead,
(S)he's dead tired,
(S)he's joined a cult practising Windoze 95,
(S)he's at the CA meeting (Caffeeine Anonymous),
(S)he's on the top of the buildingggggggggggg.....................thud!
--Stuart Owen rbebb@dbrw.win-uk.net
(S)he has phobia toward your name.
--Ivy Kuang-Ying Shih~{J/9bS(~} ivy@ic.EECS.berkeley.edu
Someone just mentioned "Windows" and "95" in rapid succession...
--John Vaughan john@tcp.co.uk
He was arrested cause the police thought he was a Drug dealer when
they saw the three pagers on his belt..
--Pete Shipley shipley@dis.org
They're actully in their office, but buried under the mound of paper,
manuals and spare parts that just avalanced off their desk..
The Cray's Chiller decided to go on vacation, and (S)he got stuck to one
of the vents on the Y-MP after switching to air-cooled mode.
--Jeff Wolfe wolfe@ems.psu.edu